Being overselective can certainly keep you from finding some real happiness in love, but settling for someone who doesn’t treat you right is a far more frequent offense. To echo the self-help adage getting the love you want, your odds of success improve greatly by, uh, ya know, not accepting anything else. There’s no huge difference between the employee who threatens to leave if not given a raise/promotion and the chick whose every wish seems to be her boyfriend’s command. We can bad mouth her all we want but how much of that is bitterness over wishing we’d done the same? The more accomodating souls among us (yup, I’m guilty as charged) are prone to bend over backwards, waiting out unsatisfactory situations until the other party (boss, significant other, demanding friend, controlling family member) comes to his or her senses, realizing how valuable and taken for granted we really are. There’s a time and a place for this. I’m not advocating the complete abandon of being in it for the long haul. If delayed gratification were a more common motivation, how different the entire world’s landscape would look.
It’s self-worth that I’m talking about. It’s the tendency to get into relationships and situations that don’t honor who we are, not even on the most basic level. It’s the absence of seemingly obvious components to a healthy, loving partnership. I don’t see how “true love” can be expected without that. Cinderella didn’t expect a fairy tale from her step-family, she had to find a true prince (not that we actually know ANYTHING about the prince’s personality and not to negate that fairytales in general = love mythology) for that.
So, if you’re unhappy in love, think about what you’ve actually been accepting. It’s likely you’ll find something else under the guise of love. Get clear about what you need and want. Most of us spend more time thinking about what haircut to get than we do about our requirements for relationships. Figure them out, stick to your guns, and watch the *ssholes and douchebags fall away from your life.
Prediction: Keys N Krates are gonna get big this year. Their new single, appropriately named, “Treat Me Right” (i.e. here’s an anthem re: above rant, yes sometimes my tangents do have a little bit of forethought) combines two of my favorites: hip hop beats and electronic music. Given the popularity of rap remixes and mashups, it’s cool that Keys N Krates has evolved from doing live remixes of other people’s songs to creating their own originals. Though the beat in “Treat Me Right” is clearly lifted from “Bandz A Make Her Dance” by Juicy J, that’s exactly the kind of non-EDM reference that makes Keys N Krates accessible to wider audiences. The trap beats (ala dirty southern rap) are an anchor embellished and extended with electro synth melodies. Listen to the whole track, the four drops are dope. In 2013, Keys N Krates is definitely gonna be a”Bandz A Make Her you Dance.” And unlike Juicy J’s lyrics imply, no $$$ wads or clothes-stripping is required (because obviously, as an advocate of your healthy self-worth, I’d never suggest that. Unless of course that’s your thing, in which case, to each her own).
Keys N Krates free downloads:
The other song I can’t stop dancing to (& that plays off the hook of Missy Elliot’s “Work It”), free download here:
See Also:
“The Love You Deserve” by Christopher Hudspeth on Thought Catalog
“Know Your Worth: Understanding Your Value and Finding Love” by Amy Chan on Huffington Post
{GIF via her campus, Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky}
Your lady of the flowers,
footnotes on love 